


A matter of principal

by Its_Raineing_Words



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Bilbo is So Done, Crack Treated Seriously, Culture Shock, Dwarf Culture & Customs, Fluff and Crack, Gandalf has a good laugh, Gen, Gen Work, Hair, Hair Braiding, Hobbit Culture & Customs, Oblivious Bilbo, hair cutting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-10
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-06-07 15:38:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6811387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Its_Raineing_Words/pseuds/Its_Raineing_Words
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bilbo asks various members of the Company for scissors, they have various reactions to that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bilbo's hair is getting unruly.

It all started with an annoying curl of hair sitting right over his eye, Bilbo hadn’t realised just how long his hair had gotten until he had to move it out of the way every few minutes. He was a respectable Hobbit and respectable Hobbit males never let their hair grow past their ears, unfortunately, Hobbit hair grew very fast and that meant that if he didn’t find scissors or a knife soon he’d start to look very disreputable indeed. 

He’d asked Dwalin first, thinking that he had to use something to shave his head and that if he shaved his head he’d probably have scissors too. The burly Dwarf’s reaction was a tad unexpected, however.   
“Ye surely cannae expect me to do tha’!? I’ll have na part in it.” He’d shouted and stomped off, the rest of the Dwarves were obviously used to such outbursts because they didn’t even look up from what they were doing. 

Bilbo then realised that Dwalin had rushed over to Balin and the two of them were now speaking in hurried and hushed tones, looking over at him every few seconds as they did so. He decided that it would be easier to just go over to Bombur and help him where he was chopping carrots up to put in the massive and well-used pot that was currently stewing over the fire. 

Balin eventually caught up to him that evening, he obviously had an agenda as he sat down next to him that dinner time.   
“Now, Bilbo, I hear you asked my brother for...scissors, correct?” He’d said after some seconds of awkward silence.  
“I did, though I didn’t know I’d be causing so much of a bother. Any other time I’d have my own scissors but I forgot to pack them... I forgot a lot of things, actually. I’m just thankful I packed my razor.” Bilbo replied, mourning the shiny pair of scissors sitting in his bathroom cabinet as they spoke, well if Lobelia hadn’t gotten to them first.   
“Razor?!” The grey-haired Dwarf spluttered, his eyebrows flying up his forehead.  
“Yes…” He said, confused, “to shave my beard with.”   
Balin looked a bit peaky but collected himself with obvious effort, “Well, I do not claim to understand Hobbit...customs but this is a Dwarven company so expect no help.”   
Then he just left, leaving Bilbo to eat his rabbit stew alone with only his myriad of questions for the Company. 

Bilbo waited a few days before asking Gloin, by then his hair was nearly at his ears and he’d been getting looks off of the other Dwarves which made him all the more aware of just how scruffy he looked.   
“Master Gloin, may I speak with you a moment?” He asked as Gloin sharpened his axe.  
“Go on, lad. What is it?” He grunted.   
“Do you have a pair of scissors I could borrow?” He said, taking a step back when Gloin moved his axe to sharpen the other side, nearly hitting Bilbo in the process.   
“Scissors? Why in Durin’s name would I have scissors?” Gloin laughed, never stopping in his task.  
“Well, a knife would do.” Bilbo replied.  
“Aye, alright then.” He dug into his coat for a second before pulling out a small but perfectly sharpened knife, “I want her back the way I gave her to you, alright?”  
“Of course, Master Gloin.” Bilbo then rushed off to where a nearby stream was, he didn’t want to look lopsided after all. 

Bilbo had just sat himself down comfortably on a rock and looked over to the reflective surface of the water, knife poised to cut when a great noise came from the woods behind him and he saw a figure rushing at great speed towards him in the reflection of the water.   
“Master Gloin? What is it?” Bilbo asked frantically.   
“Mahal, lad! Not with my knife! I came out here to see what you were doing, I didn’t expect that.” Gloin then wrenched the knife out of Bilbo’s hand but before the Hobbit could protest Gloin started to...cry? “You don’t need to do this. You don’t need to ruin yourself, whatever it is. I-I know that sometimes you feel like you just want to damage something, just so that it hurts but you don’t need to.”  
“I...I don’t…” He stuttered, bewildered. Why were these Dwarves having such melodramatic reactions to him cutting his hair?   
“Hush, you don’t need to explain your reasons just come on. Let’s head back to the camp, I think they’ll be missing us about now.” Gloin said, shutting all further talk down.   
Bilbo followed him back to the camp in sort of daze, curls tickling his neck frustratingly. 

Next, he tried Ori, he seemed to be the most reasonable of the Dwarves, he was even on first name basis with the scribe. Besides, that bowl cut hair he had must need some scissors to maintain.   
“I do have some scissors, Bilbo, what do you need them for?” Ori said happily, already rooting around his pack for them.  
Bilbo took a chance and told the truth, “To cut my hair, it’s been getting far too long.”   
The young Dwarf stilled ominously, “Cut your hair? But why?”   
He sounded heartbroken.  
“I just prefer it short.” Bilbo didn’t feel like going into Hobbit culture just then.   
At that Ori whipped around to him quickly, “Bilbo,” He said solemnly, “don’t make me do this, I can’t in good conscience let you. I’d be a terrible friend.”   
“Ori, please. I’ve asked three of the others and none of them would help me.” He pleaded to no avail. 

He gave up on Ori and moved on to Oin, he seemed like a no-nonsense Dwarf.   
“What did ya say, laddie? I thought I heard ya say ye needed scissors?” Oin asked, cupping the ear trumpet to his ear.  
“Yes. I need them to cut my hair.” He said, slightly louder.  
Oin’s eyes widened but he just muttered something about having work to do and walked off very quickly indeed. Bilbo frowned at the retreating healer’s back, he knew something was going on, obviously, but whatever it was seemed like a delicate issue and he didn’t want to navigate it at the moment, he just wanted some damn scissors. 

Bilbo had just given up for the day when Nori tugged him away from the camp by the arm, he squeaked but went with him. Nori looked very determined after all.  
“So...I heard ye were lookin’ for some scissors, Master Baggins.” The thief drawled conspiratorially.  
“Yes, I only need to borrow them. Well, I’ll probably need to borrow them again next month but maybe we’ll pass a settlement before then.” He said quickly, waiting for whatever Nori would say next.  
Instead of freaking out, though, he just smiled slowly, “I’ve heard of Dwarves that cut their hair, they like it short for aesthetic reasons, Mahal knows why. To each their own, I suppose and luckily for you I just so happen to have a pair on me-provided you help me too, of course.”  
“Thank you, Master-”   
“NORI!” Both Bilbo and Nori whipped around to look at the noise immediately, “Just what in Mahal’s Forges do you think you’re doing?”   
Dori looked furious and Bilbo gave up any plans of cutting his hair for the time being. Again. 

His hair was getting ridiculous, he thought angrily as he pushed it over his shoulder, he needed to cut it and soon. His annoyance was only worsened by the supposed compliments he was getting from the Dwarves, or, he thought they were compliments because saying a Hobbit male had lovely long hair would earn you a slap in the Shire.

Bilbo found himself looking at the various knives all the Dwarves had on their person with envy. He had Sting, of course, but he didn’t trust himself not to slit his own throat with it while trying to cut his thrice-damned hair. The knife he was most envious of, though, was the small knife Bifur used to carve with-it would be good to cut his hair given that it was just the right size and that Bifur kept it sharp. Bilbo didn’t know a lot about Bifur if he was honest, he kept to himself generally and even if he didn’t the language barrier made any sort of fluent communication impossible. It didn’t stop him from hoping to borrow the knife off of Bifur, he wouldn’t tell him why he wanted it, of course, he had learnt his lesson after all. 

He walked over to Bifur slowly, thinking of how to get that knife for just five minutes-he’d hack his hair off at this point, evenness be damned.   
“What do you want then, Hobbit?” Bifur grunted in Khuzdul and Bilbo jumped slightly, he’d never get used to Khuzdul, he thought vaguely.  
“Um...hello, Master Bifur. I see you just finished carving so, uh if you didn’t need that knife I’d be grateful if I could borrow it.” Bilbo said nervously, looking out to see if Dori or Balin would turn up again.   
“I’ve heard about that hair cutting business you’ve been getting up to, and I’m not getting involved, not on your life.” Bifur said angrily and Bilbo could tell he wasn’t getting that knife. He was just about to try to argue his point when he realised Bifur had stomped off in his ire. He groaned inwardly, would ever get to cut his hair? Bilbo groaned and stomped off, tugging at his hair as he went. 

When Bofur came up to him, face pulled downwards in concern Bilbo already knew what he was going to say.  
“It’s about Bifur, isn’t it? I only asked him to borrow his knife-I don’t know what I did to upset him.” He complained and Bofur nodded slightly before speaking.  
“Well, Bif’s heard ya talkin’ about wantin’ to cut ya hair and uh...that doesn’t sit well with any Dwarf. I know Men tend to cut their hair but well, if a Man was be travelling with Dwarves it would be expected that he wouldn’t cut his hair during that time, it’s just respectful. Well, that’s the way it used to be, not that many Dwarves remember that now but even so, I doubt anyone will aid you in your quest to hurt yourself.” He explained.  
Bilbo gawked, “I knew you lot weren’t...fond of haircutting but it’s hardly hurting myself, not to Hobbits it’s not. It’s rather uncivilised to have long hair for us so this hair is quite distressing if I’m honest.”  
“I can’t claim to understand that logic but if you do find scissors or a knife I won’t stop you.” Bofur said, smiling slightly.   
“Yet you won’t let me borrow yours?” He snorted, not surprised at all by this point.   
“Nope!” Bofur laughed.

That night at supper Bombur gave him extra portions and a significant look.  
“Cheer up, ay lad. Everyone feels low sometimes, it does get better, Bilbo.”   
“I-thank you, Bombur? I’ll remember that.” He coughed awkwardly and shuffled away, noticing the look Gloin was giving him, terribly reminiscent of a kicked puppy.   
“Hey Bilbo!” Fili bounded up to him and the Hobbit jumped slightly, not expecting it in the slightest.   
“What was Bombur talking about just then?” Kili continued, how they did it Bilbo would never know, nor cared to.   
“Ah, nothing important, lads.” He said airily, gesturing with the hand not holding his soup.  
“It looked important.” Kili said shrewdly, the archer could be very observant when he wanted to, Bilbo had noticed and was intimidated to find that attention on him.   
“Exactly, and besides-” Fili spoke only for Kili to cut him off.  
“Everyone’s been acting weirdly and you’re at the centre of it.”   
“Especially Gloin.” Fili sniggered.  
“Oh yeah, especially him.” Kili agreed.  
“I would beg to differ!” Bilbo yelped, “It’s not like it’s anything important and it’s certainly neither of your business.”  
“But you see it is.” Fili said calculatingly, his moustache braids danced. “As Uncle’s heirs, we’re sort of in charge of the company. We don’t make any big decisions…”  
“But it is our job to keep an eye on company morale, so spill the gems.” Kili finished.   
“Uh…” Bugger, he thought vehemently to himself, this won’t go well at all. “I think Bombur was referring to the fact I’ve been asking around for a pair of scissors.”  
“What would you need those for, Master Boggins?” Kili asked innocently and Fili hit him in the ribs.  
“Kee...don’t.” He growled.  
“To cut my hair with-it’s been getting awfully long, you see. Not proper at all.” There, I said it.   
“O-oh…” Kili breathed, looking pale. “I...Fee, we’ve got to tell Uncle about this.”   
“I know. Let’s go now, he might find a knife and cut his hair before we can do anything.”   
“You know it’s awfully rude to speak in a language someone can’t understand, very alienating.” Bilbo chastised, even though he had a fair idea of what they were talking about by this point.   
“Well thank you for informing us, we’ll keep that in mind. Now we’d better get going, right Kili?” Fili said hurridly, already pulling his brother away.  
“Oh yeah, we’ve got tonnes of stuff to do.” Kili added, looking for all the world like a startled rabbit.  
“Absolutely loads. Bye, Master Baggins.” He called over his shoulder to Bilbo.  
“...Goodbye, boys…” He said sarcastically to their retreating backs. 

To say that Bilbo was surprised when Thorin asked to speak to him privately was an understatement of impressive proportion. Their leader had barely deigned to acknowledge him so far and it gave him a sinking feeling, especially since every single Dwarf in the company knew about him wanting to cut his hair and for some reason it was...forbidden. He honestly had no idea what was going on, hopefully, he could pry some answers out of Thorin. It seemed that Thorin wanted answers off of him, though, as he turned on the Hobbit and glowered at him for a long moment before speaking.   
“I have heard from various members of the Company and most recently from my sister-sons that you wish to cut hair.” Bilbo got the feeling that Thorin was being very blunt, though he had only the vaguest idea why. “Gloin told me you borrowed his knife, he was shaken up by it.”  
“He ripped it out of my hand!” He cried out, affronted.  
“A perfectly reasonable reaction I assure you!” Thorin retorted loudly, silencing Bilbo. “Now, I trust you’ve noticed their reactions, I also hope you don’t want to cause undue distress within the Company.”  
“Of course, I don’t. Eru!” The Hobbit exclaimed, eyes wide.   
“Well then, we’re in agreement then.” Thorin said smugly.  
“About what?” He frowned in confusion.  
“You won’t cut your hair.” He said as if was the most obvious thing in the world.  
“What?! Then what am I supposed to do with it, then? I only left it a month and now look at it!” Bilbo shook the shoulder-length hair in front of the Dwarfking angrily. “It’s getting unreasonable.”  
“Braid it, of course.” He replied.   
“Oh, of course.” Bilbo mocked, “Like I know how to braid…”   
“Any one of the Company would be happy to teach you. We were all Dwarflings unable to braid at one point, besides, braiding is a social exercise among us and it will do you good to become involved in it no matter how much you seem to despise your hair.”   
“The less of it there is, the better in my opinion.” He grumbled, ignoring Thorin’s disapproving expression, “But I’ll braid it if it makes Gloin stop looking at me like that. In fact, the whole Company is treating me oddly now and I want it to stop.”  
“Well…” Thorin coughed slightly, “for us it was if you were threatening to chop your arm off-it’s distressing. As much as we understand other races have their own customs we’ll never get over our aversion to haircutting.”   
“Alright,” He sighed, knowing when he was beaten, “I shall braid my hair for now. Though I make no promises about not cutting my hair when we reach civilisation.”  
“That’s all I ask of you, Master Baggins.” Thorin nodded, obviously ending the conversation there. 

They walked back together into the camp and the entire company looked at them expectantly, Bilbo supposed the two Durin heirs had something to do with that.   
“Master Baggins will be braiding his hair, though he will most likely need someone to show him how.” Thorin announced to excited cheers.  
They entire Company ended up taking it in turns to teach Bilbo, even Thorin who Bilbo had thought would have been entirely too grumpy to participate in such an exercise.


	2. Hair is very important

Bilbo tugged at the end of his braid self-consciously, Balin had assured him that he looked ‘dashing’ but he felt quite ridiculous. He hadn’t cut his hair since he left the Shire and now Erebor was reclaimed his hair was at his ribs, Hobbit hair grew fast but slowed as it got longer though no one knew why. The sheer amount of hair was a constant source of mystery to him and he still hadn’t gotten the hang of braiding it and employed either Fili and Kili, Bofur or Thorin to help him. Today, however, was special, with the Battle of Five Armies won and Erebor being rebuilt there was lots to do but that didn’t mean there wouldn’t be feasts too.   
“Come on, Bilbo. Leave your hair alone, the feast will be starting soon, you don’t want to miss Thorin’s speech, do you?” Balin tutted, poking his head around the door obviously having gotten bored of waiting for Bilbo to follow him out into the still half-restored Great Hall. 

The Hall was heaving with Dwarves and Bilbo felt quite overwhelmed by it, even in its unfinished state it was spectacular and a sense of pride and wonder purveyed the air. Thorin wasn’t sat majestically in his throne like he expected but was at the head of the table, stood up as if to give a toast. He met Thorin’s eyes and the Dwarf nodded to him before lifting his pint high above his head.  
“Ah, here is Bilbo Dragonthief, our esteemed Hobbit burglar.” Thorin’s words were met with a loud cheer from the crowd and he could hear Bofur shout ‘Get over here, Bilbo!’ so he did.   
Everyone was sat on one incredibly long bench and Bombur made room for him probably pushing someone off of the edge on the other end in the process.  
“Someone furnish good ol’ Dragonthief with some ale, he’s in need.” Nori called to seemingly no one from the other side of the great table. Though Nori hadn’t addressed anyone in particular he found himself with a mug of ale shoved in front of his face within a few moments and he drank heartily. 

Throughout the night toast after toast was made, marriage proposals were asked and celebrated, pregnancies announced, businesses opened. It was far more intense than any Shire gathering Bilbo had been to even if there wasn’t as much food. 

As the feast was nearing to a close each member the Company took turns to talk about the other members and Bilbo blushed to realise that they all mentioned him, especially that they all talked about how he had asked them for scissors and the like. When Balin had stood up and talked about his razor though the atmosphere took a turn for the awkward.  
“Well,” He said giving him a significant look, “if you’re going to be living in Erebor you’ll need to grow a beard.”   
He laughed, “I never said I was going to live here.”  
“You didn’t have to, Master Boggins!” Kili shouted to cheers.  
Bilbo was flustered but pleased, he had never had anyone be so happy to have him around, especially not in the Shire.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote most of this in a week but then I wrote the epilogue much later, I'm not terribly happy with it but I have trouble writing endings. I hope you like it! :)


End file.
